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What loud sex has to do with speaking well in conversation

December 22, 2020 , by Dr Julian Northbrook

A study reported in Men’s Health magazine says 91% of women prefer their sex loud and vocal.

In fact, most said the louder the better.

Others said the only time silent sex is “sexy” is when you’re doing it in public and trying not to get caught…

And only 9% of women surveyed said they were satisfied by quiet sex where their guy didn’t make any noise, moan or say anything.

Now, while I might now know way around the bedroom pretty well, I’m certainly not an expert on the **psychology** of good sex. So the following is pure conjecture on my part.

But…

These percentages make perfect sense to me, because generally speaking—though this is somewhat culture-specific—people are ALWAYS very uncomfortable will silence.

It’s the way we’ve evolved.

For our ancient ancestors, small talk was how we worked out whether someone was friend or foe. According to small-talk researcher Justine Coupland, silence suggests distance between people. Which suggests a potential enemy. Conversation fills the gap — closes the distance — and creates bonds between people. It connects us and brings us close.

So good relationships (whether work-related or personal) come from good communication.

Now, I’m not saying you should make small talk while you fuck.

But I am saying that being loud and talking dirty is a form of communication, and like any kind of communication when done right it serves an important purpose – it closes the distance created by silence.

Doesn’t matter whether it’s personal or business, either…

In English speaking cultures if you’re sitting in silence and not contributing to a conversation, people probably aren’t seeing you in a positive way.

I can help you fix this in MEFA:

https://doingenglish.com/MEFA

Best,
Dr Julian Northbrook


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